Coming In August "Out Of The Corner Of My Eye"

Coming! August, 2010 My new book;

"Out of the Corner of My Eye"

This collection of stories, essays, thoughts are intimate accounts and views of a growing urban and underground population that's shunned, feared and unloved. The writings are taken from their experiences and first hand accounts my husband shared with me while serving as director of the City's Downtown Day Resource Center. His challenges and dealings with this population prompted me to write, give voice, and a glimpse into a strange, sad; sometimes comical, savage and bizzarre world. These are the stories of a growing population inhabiting our urban city landscape. They are the burdens, wretched; those dumped and part of the urban throwaways. Enjoy an excerpt from one of the essays:

"B.U.B.s"

(Bums Under Bridges)

Freeways trail through manufactured hills

Ebbing expanse of skies

Climbing mounds of grassy fields

Artificial boundaries

Mesh earth and lives

A semblance of protection

Shields the tears

Merciless weather and fears

Housed in various forms of containment

Forced out, shooed to travel with

Lives packed in old satchels

Newspapers, blankets and quilts

Stored memories time eliminates

Minds stall, fail to recall

Refuse to pass on and disseminate

Reviled, unwanted

Not welcomed, the accused

Some recented, others demented

Many confused and viewed

Daily by folks not amused.

They take abuse, looks of disgust

Accusation and blame

Eyes met with terror, hatred

Wonder and shame.

Blankets, trash the landscape

Bed-rolls, grocery carts full of stuff

Spread out, tied down, in place so bold...

Upcoming Book Launch August 2010

This is an introduction and preview of work from my upcoming book; "Out of the Corner of My Eye." The launch date is August, 2010.

This book delves into the souls and lives of urban street dwellers, the homeless, various characters; and those who manage and work with them. One story I call: "Big Baby."

BIG BABY

Her constant whine
Seems right;
They got use to
Hearing it over days
Months, years, at night
From that first
Time they saw her
Poor dear;
Thinks she’s still
The cute, young, sweet,
Loveable, good looking, fine
Girl she once was; When
Dude’s flip and morph
Into irrational crazies;
Just seeing watching her
Walk turns them into
Blithering idiots, barking
And begging for abuse.
Her voice takes on
A stark urgency; she
Needs, wants something.
An interesting oddity
For the girl of color;
She stole the look, ways
And act from movies stars
Who played the part
And got their way;
“It works for them
So why not me?”
Free for the taking;
She grabs, shapes and
Makes it her own;
She was cute and funny.
But something got lost after
Years and added pounds;
Too many days of sameness,
Limited time viewing new
Films, not staying current,
Damaged and cool her appeal;
She kept using
Outmoded lines, things
Sad, obsolete, out of touch;
Caught in a time warp;
Using what no longer worked.
Some antics were tolerated.
“She’s not hurting ‘nobody,”
Shared what she had;
Food, information;
Gossip and a laugh;

She strolls up to the
Day shelter director:
“Can I come in the building sir?
I need to go to the Baff-froom.
“Mr. I need a bus pass,” she said.
“I’m out,” he said.
“Gotta’ get back home,” she said.
Syrupy words drain out slow
Irritating begging runs
Down and coats her throat.
It could drive you crazy.
Count on her coming back
In the course of a day,
As her needs increase;
That’s how she got tagged
And known as; “Big Baby!”
It was an everyday thing.
She’s been answering
To the name every since;
“Hey; Big Baby!”
“Huh? What you want?
Hi! You got any ‘ciggeretes?
Where you been?”
That’s her!
She’s ‘Big Baby.

Staying On Point

I'm still working on some on my same issues. A few more have been added. So many that I've decided to put it all down in a book. Don't ask when it'll be out. I don't know. I've got a few ahead of it. But I'm committed and have done some work on it. So it's gonna happen. There have been and I hear almost everyday about the advances that have been made in diagnosing, treating and working with breast cancer patients. That's all good. No, it's great news. But seems like I'm hearing about more and more reoccurances of this horrific disease, and there's still so many new casses. One thing we all have to do is get a better diet and stick with it. I'm as guilty as anybody. I didn't realize how persuasive and convincing I could be in justifying some of the stuff I eat that I know is not good for me. Then there's the exercise. It's so good for all of us with this disease. But something always comes up to keep me from going to the gym, or getting out and walking; unless I'm at the mall, where most of what I'm doing is stopping to look at displays, and going to the makeup counter; and even trying on clothes. I know I need to be doing my situps, lunges, stretches, and even going and getting those same two cans of mackerels out of the pantry and doing a few arms curls. It wouldn't hurt. I know I need to keep the sugar out of my diet and that soda's are bad for me. But somehow I feel deprived and let myself revert back and have a seven up or sprite now and then. I keep hoping the taste for will disappear. So far it ain't happened. And then there's the candy. I read and heard that chocolate's not that bad and maybe is really good for me. It has something we need. But I don't like the dark kind. So I convince myself that a little milk chocolate every now and then is not too bad. It's chocolate. Oh, I know it's not the right kind, but I get to feeling like I can cheat a little sometimes. Then there's a good vitamin regiment. Seems like that Vitamin D pill gets bigger and bigger. It's huge. So maybe I'll skip it a few times. Yes. I know I need to drink water, keep the sugar, flour, salt, out of stuff that's cooked for me to eat. But when you find yourself at those birthday, anniversary, family gathering, church events that always include potlucks, and everybody you know wants you to try a little of some of what they brought, and you don't want to hurt their feelings. Plus they are always there serving the food and load up your plate up with what they brought, and of course they're there sitting at the same table with you asking how you liked it. Oh, I know I've gotta stay strong and do what I know I must do so I can keep things going right. So, I've made a new commitment this day, and I think that's how I've gotta do it, on a day to day basis. Weekly or monthly leaves too much times and space for getting off course. So when we're out don't tell me you don't think a tiny bit of cake won't hurt. It will. I can't have sugar, not even a little. Because a little of this and that will often turn into a lot and more than I need. Thanks for being my friend. I'm working to stay on point. Sue

Hope everybody's doing well and especially eating what's best. I can't say I'm doing so all the time. But I am back in the gym. Started out on the elyptical, do about a mile walk a day; arm lifts, waist twists, a few sit-ups etc., trying to get my Michelle Obama arms going. It's coming. I get on a few exercise machines. But I think I was pushing it at first, and started having joint problems. Maybe it was sort of my way to get a day or two off to rest; and then it was two, and then three. But I got back on my routine, and I was on course for three days this week. And yes, I do feel better when I do what I'm suppose to. It's a shame I have to kick myself a time or two to do what I oughta. But that's how we stubborn ones (I admit it, finally) are. Born goat. Don't quote me on it. I'm in a mellow and fragile mood that's what it is. Anyway, got the exercise going, now I gotta get the eating back on track and stick with it until I fall short again. And of course it will happen. Hey! We're human. Another excuse. Well, I did have salmon about three or four times this week, and salads, watermelon too. But my melon's gotta be sweet every time. When it's not, it's tragic. We gotta' go back to that store that very day, get the money back, or get a replacement that I insist they cut. Been thinking about bring my own knife, I know it'll be clean, but that might not go over too well. They might think it's a threatening act and call the authorities. Anyway, I can't be consoled until I get a replacement melon that tastes sweet. You might think that's taking it a little too far, but having so few things available that I can tolerate consuming, I take my eating serious. And when the season's over I'll turn to my next must have and be as invested and crazed about it as I am this spring and summer delight. Happy Eating All. Sue

Strangers No More

Seems like everyday I meet survivors. Today I was fortunate to meet a lovely woman, I'm horrible with names. She told me hers, but I forgot. I always blame my memory loss on the chemo. Still. Me and my husband were out at one of our favorite fish haunts. We drive clear cross town, and it's worth it. We always get one order and share it so we don't feel so guilty about stuffing ourselves. Man... it's so good! I could go everyday. Anyway, my hubby spotted her. She and her husband crossed the street just ahead of us and went in our favorite place. It took them awhile to decide on their choice, and we waited and shifted as they made up their minds before ordering. It was funny that I chose a table right by them. And I didn't even recognize my sister, though she was sitting there, right next to me, a shoulder away across a tiny aisle parallel in a booth. I glance over as I laughed and talked, but it was to see what they were having. He had gumbo and a rather large green salad, and she had a fish basket. Oh darn! Now you know it's a fish place. But I'm still not saying where. Not yet. Anyway, I woulda missed meeting this sister if it hadn't been for my husband. We had finished eating and he said, "there's somebody who went through what you did, and you need to say something to her." It didn't register at first. We had been gabbing away, like always, talking, rating the fish, deciding it was still good. That meant we'd be back again. Decisions on almost everything in our life now was based on visit by visit. If things went down, changed for the worse, and the place was just having a bad day, that could mean curtains for our patronage there. Anyway, he had to get me to focus on what he was telling me cause there was a lot of chatter. He sort of whispered that he spotted a survivor and I should say something to her. We had finished our meal and they had as well and had pushed their baskets and plates away and the busboy was clearing away their table. I turned and saw her in her scarf, and put it together. Duh...! I turned to her, leaned over and spoke. My husband did the same with her husband. I smiled, reached across the aisle and extended my hand and introduced myself. We talked for several minutes, and I tried not to overwhelm her with my experience or to ask too many questions. She said this was her second round, and she was fighting with the help from her spouse, doctors, some family, and medical staff, friends, and so many she's met. She admited she's a private person, and I could understand that. I might have talked too much, but felt I had to share all I could think of that worked for me. I wanted to tell her everything I knew and heard about; jaumba juice, apricot kernals, oxygenated water... Oh... man.. I forgot to mention that she should lower her acidic level, and make her body more akaline... I probably wouldn't have explained it right anyway... but I think I can if she contacts me. Hope I didn't overload her... Our talk lagged in a few places, but we both worked to keep it light and upbeat. That's what I wanted to do. Cause that's what I needed when I was doing chemo. I needed to laugh, laugh, and laugh some more. I gave her my card and told her to email me. I hope she will. If not I understand. But I'm glad we met and I hope I didn't overdo it. We hugged, perfect strangers no more, and I even gave her a peck on the cheek and told her I'd pray for her. And I will.

On Track

I'm slipping off my much talked about, carefully crafted perch. It was created and held up at that scary time when things got bleak. Remember? That was at the beginning... the diagnosis. I was scared and trying to hide it with denial. It was crazy. But reality bonged me in the head so hard there was no denying anything. I didn't shrivel up and shrink away. No! I got fired up! Ready to fight... and go to battle! No big "shark" was gonna snap me up. I jolted myself back to a right mind set. Now I was ready to fight and kick butt. It was working, and going good, considering. That's when I thought... I got this under control. Yeah... okay... Uh-huh... I got cocky, careless, and started thinking... Look at me! I beat this thing! I'm fine now. And it can't happen to me again. So I blew it off, and reverted back to my old ways. Okay... No... it wasn't too cool or swift. And you know, I even started thinking... Hey... I'm smart... got passed this... and so a little cheating, dabbling, reverting back, getting comfortable... what's the problem? Couldn't hurt. ...started eating that bad stuff again. All that grub I swore off back when I didn't know if I could get though that nasty, horrible, scary trouble. And now I was eating it again. Oooh... You know... I got to feeling like... hey... I'm all right. Sure... I'm looking good. So what if I'm gettin' a little fleshy. It's not good to be so scary thin. And my hair was growing back. Huh... I was more myself than I had been for a long time. Got to thinking... hmmm... that wasn't me. Couldn't a been. Naw! Was just a crazy mixed-up time, a dream even. I musta just got pulled into some freaky dream. Maybe I didn't really have what they said after all. Cause now I felt good... great even. Okay. Yeah. I got the scars. I see 'em everyday... Still... I don't want to think I'm so different from everybody else who never had my challenges. And then I got to sluggin down gut bustin' caffeine, and sucking in sugar; laying around, and not movin' a whole lot. Besides, I'm feelin' and doin' jus fine now. Naw... Hey... Come on! Get real! I know what happened and what I gotta' do. Then the GONG! And then I got to thinking... I'm not the only one to go through this thing. So-o-0... I'd better put my story down, give the real deal. But not just for me. It's for all those others too, at the beginning of their journey and on through maintenance. And yes... I'm still learning, and fighting. And what I'm finding out is that it's never over. As long as you're here, you gotta keep fighting, and learning how to deal with this stuff. You get off course, but you gotta work your way back, maybe a whole bunch of times. The main thing is, when you backslide, don't give up. My Guide gives the whole picture. It's frank, sensible help that works when things gets hard and rough. You learn that you can stick it out, even after missteps. It might not be for you, but you can hand it off to somebody else. It goes from diagnosis, through the fight and the work it takes to beat the odds. You can rebound. Stay strong and on track. Release date soon. Sue

Christmas Do's and Don'ts

Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be a SCROOGE!!!
Send this to a bunch of folks you know. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. 'tis the Season to be NICE!

At Christmas... Do you:

1. Use Wrapping paper or gift bags?

2. Real tree or Artificial?

3. When do you put up the tree?

4. When do you take the tree down?

5. Do you like eggnog?

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

7. Hardest person to buy for?

8. Easiest person to buy for?

9. Do you have a nativity scene?

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?

13 When do you start shopping for Christmas?

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

16. Lights on the tree?

17. Favorite Christmas song?

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?

23.Favorite ornament theme or color?

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner?

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?

26. Who is most likely to respond to this?

27. Who is least likely to respond to this?

I'll share my answers if you insist... or just keep em deep inside where they can do no harm

Love, Peace and Blessings to All

Sue Adkins, Playwright/Songwriter
P.O. Box 940572
Plano, Texas 75094
Phone: 972.423.7899
website: www.successunlimited1.ws
" Order Children's Music by Sue at: www.cdbaby.com/cd/sueadkins "
" Order Kwanzaa Music by Sue at: www.cdbaby.com/cd/sueladkins "